Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Last Christmas

So things have changed; too many events have unfolded in succession and there is no undoing the past. The callous words spat out in anger cannot be withdrawn and swallowed; the scarred flesh cannot be restored immaculate. Despite all that, I look back at this period of the past couple of years not with nostalgia but with insights and ideas- raw objects of abstraction awaiting chiseling and refining by the master craftsman, Time.

What beckons from the great beyond? I do not know, but I certainly do not intend to lug my baggage of often-bitter past with me. Yes, there have been the pleasant memories but I find them inextricable tangled with the bitter. However, there still remain a few untainted strands of memory which I shall treasure. Thank you to all those who played a role in the creation of joy and even of sorrow. You may smile a smile of smugness in the knowledge that your schemes have succeeded, but know that they will not slip by forgotten.

So here is where journey ends. Driven by the winds against the rocks, this vessel shall see seas no more.


Have a Blessed Christmas folks and farewell. Please, shed neither tear nor pity.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Hope, a Waking Dream

Hope is a waking dream - Aristotle

Am I a fool for holding out hope? Am I being overly naïve for believing that things will change after all these years? Am I a fool for stretching out hope repeatedly, only to witness it being ravaged and beaten back by the harsh realities of people, and ultimately, life itself each time? I seek no absurd object or make no unreasonable demand (I would prefer to think so), yet I find myself disappointed each time.

Yes, I very well know that my past is strongly imprinted on me, perhaps a little too deep for my own liking, or for the matter, anyone’s. In any case, we are the products of our past; we are the sums of our experiences. I cannot deny history, lest I deny myself.

The deadening silence of the wilderness gradually corrodes my will and sanity. The length of years that I’ve made this forsaken place my abode eludes memory. Yet all I have is a fool’s hope for a better tomorrow. Nothing more than a simple wish of wearing a genuine smile.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Reflections on INTEC

A note of caution: This is probably my most honest and brutally frank post to date.

I am no longer an INTEC student as of today. Somehow that thought doesn’t provoke any sentiments, not any strong ones at least. Nevertheless, it may only have been one and a half years, but it’s been an eventful stage in my life, much more so than in the past. I am a very different person than who I was before entering INTEC, although many of the changes cannot be directly attributed to INTEC itself.

One marked change that people would notice is my rebellious streak. Not rebellious in your typical teenage anti-establishment uprising , but a revolt against what I perceive to be as gross injustice, blatant suppression of freedom and sheer stupidity. Politically, my views evolved to become pretty defined and radicalized as well. Details will not be disclosed here for the sake of political correctness. Consequently, I’ve become more vocal, much more so than in my school days.

The harsh reality of life here is my (stubborn?) lack of conformity has left my social circle wanting. Even in a scholar environment, where I thought I would fit in perfectly, reality and my ideals could not be any further. I did fit in to a certain measure, but insufficient to warrant discarding my masks. While most of my friends (even some whom I counted as close) are acquaintances that simply crossed paths with me, there are those whose friendship I believe will transcend this college period. The hours of talking, be it ‘information transfer’, intellectual discourse or simply ‘empty’ talk were more than mere talk. With all my masks and high suspicions against people in general, it is a rare honor indeed to be my confidant. I don’t have to name names; you know who you are.

On the other hand, my cynicism and bitterness towards people in general has been blunted by my experiences in INTEC. Simply put it, I’ve realized that there are some decent and sincere folks out there. Though still a rarity, nevertheless they exist. Though sadly this does not apply to some people who ought to be like that. My experiences in INTEC have not eroded my perception that hypocrisy is an accepted and sanctioned practice among Christians, despite being a Christian myself. I wish I could shake this perception off, but until I find evidence stating otherwise, it will be impossible for me to do so.

Learning to cope as a minority is another markedly relevant lesson I derived from my stint in INTEC. I must admit, entry into INTEC was my first experience in a racially and linguistically polarized environment. Where I came from, one’s skin color was less of a social determinant and everyone more or less spoke languages that were mutually understandable. In INTEC, one’s colour and the language(s) one could speak characterized the social strata of the day. Not surprisingly, I found myself in a no-man’s-land on several occasions. Well, I took this as a positive challenge to pick up Mandarin, and I did so with some success.

So how should I wrap this post up? Simple. INTEC has just been another stepping stone in life, offering its own sets of lessons regarding life. As with life, this one and half years has been like a rose shrub; you have some roses as well as thorns.


Wednesday, November 21, 2007

I am conflicted

As usual. There are no words to describe it precisely, but it will not stop me from trying. I simply cannot comprehend the intricacies at times. I relish the almost solitary lifestyle that I more often than not, find myself in. The freedom of not wearing a mask and the liberty from fear of being ostracized (or worse still, derided) are too alluring to resist. On the other hand, I despise it intensely, I hate wallowing in the surreal silence for hours at a stretch. It is dehumanizing; it is demeaning; yet time and time again I find myself here.

You see, I am here in this quandary not by choice, but rather I'm forced into it by circumstances. Few will ever understand my predicament, as hardly any have ever walked down my path. They are neither easy nor pleasant footsteps to fill in. Am I an elitist, for seeking company of my own sort? Yet do not birds of a feather flock together, except in my case I have the unfortunate distinction of being a rare avian? Nevertheless, I am thankful that I have crossed paths with other similar friends, despite it being no more than 1 or 2 individuals throughout my life.

I don’t need pity, just a little empathy. I expect little though, for who actually cares?

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Free Rice and Vocabulary

Your donation total is 1750 grains of rice.

http://www.freerice.com/


Help feed some people and improve your vocabulary at the same time. Authenticity certified by BBC.

I managed to reach level 41, although I hovered around level 36 most of the time. Try it now!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Disaster


Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster

Disasters can't be prevented right, especially those man-made? We only choose to act once a fatal bus crash or ferry sinking occurs. We only choose to act once children are abducted, brutally sexually assaulted and murdered. We only choose to act when lives are lost forever. Is it imprinted within our human nature to behave so?

Monday, November 05, 2007

Remember, remember the 5th of November

Wooohoooooo!!!!! Its the 5th of November!!

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.




Popularized by the grossly underrated 'V for Vendetta', this day stands as a symbol of liberation, a faint glow of hope of liberation from oppression and tyranny. It stands as a testament against the lies and deception of those in power. It also remains a monument for those denied justice and remain silenced, by law or worst still, death.

This day reminds us that suppressing freedom is done in the name of preserving stability and harmony of society. This day reminds us of the constant oppression and silencing of individuals with threats of past bloodshed repeating. This day reminds us that authorities pervert freedom and equal rights in the name of peace. Well, I'm referring to the movie of course, and not any real life situations. Any real-life parallels are purely coincidental and deeply regretted. :)

My favourite quotes:

Artists use lies to tell the truth while politicians use them to cover the truth up.

...ideas are bulletproof.

We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can be caught. He can be killed and forgotten. But four hundred years later an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas. I've seen people kill in the name of them; and die defending them. But you cannot touch an idea, cannot hold it or kiss it. An idea does not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love.

Head over to my other blog where I'm paying tribute to this special day!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Reformation



The chain of events that flamed the spiritual reformation in Europe 490 years ago. Martin Luther was opposed to the sales of indulgences by the Catholic Church, which was basically a piece of paper promising people a reduction of time spent in Purgatory not only for themselves, but for their family members, dead or alive. The catch was a payment to fill the coffers of the Catholic Church. Martin Luther criticized it for not only being motivated by greed, but also on grounds that it was going against the Scriptures. On 31 October 1517, he posted his famous '95 Theses' on the doors of a church in Germany, permanently altering the course of Christendom.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A Little Ranting

Sigh. I thought I've finally put those bleak periods behind me once and for all. I thought I've pretty much slammed the door on those days, padlocked it and have moved ahead. How much more wrong could I have been for those times are back with a vengeance. Worse still, I see no light at the end of this tunnel in the short term. I hear the echoes of desolation gnawing on my heart at times, slicing away sliver by sliver. There are moments I blame the world for my predicament, at other times I lay the blame squarely on my own shoulders. However, more recently I am inclined to believe that it lies somewhere between both extremes.

Am I to be blamed for being stuck in this quandary for simply being (inherently) different to the point where my interests and perspectives diverge greatly from that of my peers? Should I be faulted for refusing to wear an ill-fitting mask in order to conform with them?

I've learnt a long time ago that playing the blame game resolves nothing. As such, I will fault no one for my circumstances. I just wished that things aren't what they are. When reality bites, it bites hard.

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Hope

Hope, the engine which drives us forward. It blurs past failures and gives a shine to even the bleakest of possibilities. Even through the darkest of nights, there is still a reason to believe that there is a hidden dawn on the horizon. Hope is a dream unrealized, tantalizingly within reach and requiring you to put your foot forward and grasp it.

Anyway, Happy 19th Birthday Ben!