Yet another day

Hey guys, still remember me?

I've been so occupied the past week with assignments and tests. I don't expect the situation to abate in the immediate future. There has been many tough lessons on life over the past week; some new, some forgotten. Well, the usual wandering in the wilderness must continue for I have few alternatives.

Coincidentally, it happens to be the 50th year of Independence today. I am no particular fan of flag fetishism as I believe that such symbols are superficial. Numbers hold little significance to me. 50 years mean nothing if no real progress is made. In fact it becomes a burden as the increased years is met with an equal rise of expectations. A patriotic citizen is the law-abiding citizen that acts in the best interest of his nation and not one that parades around with flags covering every inch of his personal belongings. Well, for what its worth anyway, Happy Independence Day!

Spider Pig

LOL

Ripples

The first white pebble is cast in the midst of a long drawn frigid night. It pierces the delicate silvery skin of the forlorn lake, and it unleashes its energy concealed beneath its benign appearance. The first shock waves rush outward in every direction. The polished portrait of perfection is shattered in an instant. Its reverberations echo through the entire body of water as water laps along the parched edges. As the energy dissipates into the depths of darkness, silence falls once more.

Tetelestai

This is a short prose inspired by my recent study on the Greek word “tetelestai”, which is commonly translated as “It is finished”, the words uttered by Christ as He was dying. The poem describes precisely its meaning, or at least I hope it does. I'm more accustomed to writing poems of a different nature, so do pardon me if you find its craftsmanship shoddy.

Tetelestai

As He cried out on that cross, “It is finished”
As love, not nails held Him there, He uttered His last,
the earth shook and my prison bars were shattered
and there He stood before my sorrow-stricken eyes.
His arms outstretched in a loving embrace
“My child, you are free to go
for I have bore your sentence in full.
Go, and sin no more.”

As He cried out on that cross, “It is finished”,
death could not hold Him for long.
He took my ever-compounding debts,
paid them in full with His precious blood
and emancipated me from eternal slavery.
Then He hoisted me upon His shoulder,
and showed me a mansion from afar,
“My child, it awaits you at the end of your journey
where you will dwell with Me forever.”

Back to the Wilderness

I find myself staring at the leaves drifting past once again. A deafening silence cloaks me despite the rustling of those withered leaves. I am staring ahead, and yet I am not; for I am truly far away exploring the hidden crevices in my mind. I do not know how many masks have I shuffled through the past week, but I know for sure that I have exhausted my entire wardrobe of masks. For one thing, every mask worn eventually demands a payment in terms of emotions for its service rendered.

The burning throbbing sensation on my palms does not cease. My hands glow of crimson and I writhe because of the wounds inflicted not by a foe, but by a friend. Deep indeed are the wounds made by a trusted one. Perhaps friends have changed, or perhaps I have erred in perceiving the true situation. Yet the wounds do not account for the sheer volume of blood on my hands. The blood of another mingles with that of mine. I cannot escape this scene. There is little to be said except that this guilt has opened the floodgates of bitter memories. I’m sorry for that all that has been said and done. I may be forgiven, but I do not know if I can forgive myself.

Perhaps it is time for me to return back to where I have always been more at home. The wilderness of the mind is a land where the laws of nature hold no sway over. There is neither life nor death planted in the dust. Driven here by my unwanted hand of mortis, it will do no harm here. I have come to realize that my gauntlet wrecks havoc on all matter it touches. I have little choice but to depart from civilisation not for my sake, but for the sake of others. I have had enough of my social missteps and the harm wrought upon others. No one, save God will understand why I do what I do. No one, save God will understand how I feel at times. Here my sole companion, loneliness awaits me to resume my journey. She stands there in silence, imploring me to move out. She has followed me most of the days of my life, and I suspect she will accompany me till I reach my dusty grave. The dry harsh winds have issued forth their call. And so I shall wander forth into the gray horizons.

Nescafe Latte

I recently developed a new passion. Coincidentally, it will help me pull through my last semester in AUSMAT. The long drawn sleepless nights beckons. ;)

Split

After thinking about my prior post regarding "Quality Blogging", I realized that some photo blogging and posting up some daily light blogging is necessary to give my circle of dispersed friends and family a means to know how I am doing. This puts me in a dilemma as many of my friends are complaining about how heavy my new posts are. On the other hand, there are others who enjoy reading them and like the thought provoking ideas I forward. I have thus reached the decision to create another blog to cater to this two separate niches. This current blog will be used for my regular routine and crap, while another blog will be dealing with my contemplations and complex thoughts. However, this idea could just remain as one as I am pursuing more urgent projects in the meantime. Expect changes though, in the coming weeks.

Just some musings on life...

It's been another crazy week. So much has transpired but I am unable to fully describe the turn of events of this period. I will try my best to do so though.

Life is but a vapour, a wisp that dances before your eyes and is gone the next moment. The decades may seem to stretch for eternity, but each decade is no more than a grain of sand in the hourglass of time. As soon as a toddler is able to get on his feet and peer beyond the constrains of his cradle, he should be able to catch a glimpse of his grave on the horizons, complete with a tombstone etched with his name. I'm not being fatalistic, I'm staring at reality undistorted. Hence, in light of the brevity of life, do be sure that the choices you make now are the ones that you will not look back someday with regret.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser" - John W. Gardner

You can never be sure of your tomorrows, for what if...

...you fell through that hole in the roof...

... and splattered five storeys onto the concrete below?

Because it did happen to someone in my hostel yesterday. It occurred at the block next to mine. I'm not joking, take a closer look at the picture above. The brownish stain is actually blood and the debris around it are roof fragments. I do not know if the guy who fell through survived, but circulating rumours say otherwise. I am not surprised. It would take a miracle to survive such a fall.

Besides that, what happened?

I am emotionally spent. The events of the preceding weeks have left me drained and my focus has been disrupted. I find myself staring blankly into the thin air at times, my thoughts raging in the midst of an imagined war zone. My actions during the course of this period have definitely been out of character, to the point that I surprise myself at times. What happened to the usually soft-spoken, cheerful and friendly dude? It is at times like this that I am forced to consider the possibility that I still have undiscovered triggers bidding its time to be detonated.

I should not be surprised though. After all, I received a lashing out from someone whom I never thought of as capable of doing so several days ago. It shocked me, not because of its severity, but because I always perceived the person to be extremely patient, nice, friendly, etc.. you get the picture. My heinous crime that earned me such a lashing was nothing more than to call a spade a spade after all. It looks like people don't seem to enjoy the truth being stated, be it tactful or bluntly. In fact, if it had been anyone else, I would not have been surprised, but seeing it from this person is something new. I think I may need a lesson in diplomacy.

I may have been walking around portraying my usual calm and stoical self to the world but no one has had a glimpse of the firestorm raging within. Now that the inferno of indignation has consumed itself completely, I am left to contemplate with its remnants. A fire is not solely an agent of destruction; it is also an agent of refinement. It consumes; it purifies. Whether I am consumed or purified remains to be seen…