The Last Christmas

So things have changed; too many events have unfolded in succession and there is no undoing the past. The callous words spat out in anger cannot be withdrawn and swallowed; the scarred flesh cannot be restored immaculate. Despite all that, I look back at this period of the past couple of years not with nostalgia but with insights and ideas- raw objects of abstraction awaiting chiseling and refining by the master craftsman, Time.

What beckons from the great beyond? I do not know, but I certainly do not intend to lug my baggage of often-bitter past with me. Yes, there have been the pleasant memories but I find them inextricable tangled with the bitter. However, there still remain a few untainted strands of memory which I shall treasure. Thank you to all those who played a role in the creation of joy and even of sorrow. You may smile a smile of smugness in the knowledge that your schemes have succeeded, but know that they will not slip by forgotten.

So here is where journey ends. Driven by the winds against the rocks, this vessel shall see seas no more.


Have a Blessed Christmas folks and farewell. Please, shed neither tear nor pity.

Hope, a Waking Dream

Hope is a waking dream - Aristotle

Am I a fool for holding out hope? Am I being overly naïve for believing that things will change after all these years? Am I a fool for stretching out hope repeatedly, only to witness it being ravaged and beaten back by the harsh realities of people, and ultimately, life itself each time? I seek no absurd object or make no unreasonable demand (I would prefer to think so), yet I find myself disappointed each time.

Yes, I very well know that my past is strongly imprinted on me, perhaps a little too deep for my own liking, or for the matter, anyone’s. In any case, we are the products of our past; we are the sums of our experiences. I cannot deny history, lest I deny myself.

The deadening silence of the wilderness gradually corrodes my will and sanity. The length of years that I’ve made this forsaken place my abode eludes memory. Yet all I have is a fool’s hope for a better tomorrow. Nothing more than a simple wish of wearing a genuine smile.

Reflections on INTEC

A note of caution: This is probably my most honest and brutally frank post to date.

I am no longer an INTEC student as of today. Somehow that thought doesn’t provoke any sentiments, not any strong ones at least. Nevertheless, it may only have been one and a half years, but it’s been an eventful stage in my life, much more so than in the past. I am a very different person than who I was before entering INTEC, although many of the changes cannot be directly attributed to INTEC itself.

One marked change that people would notice is my rebellious streak. Not rebellious in your typical teenage anti-establishment uprising , but a revolt against what I perceive to be as gross injustice, blatant suppression of freedom and sheer stupidity. Politically, my views evolved to become pretty defined and radicalized as well. Details will not be disclosed here for the sake of political correctness. Consequently, I’ve become more vocal, much more so than in my school days.

The harsh reality of life here is my (stubborn?) lack of conformity has left my social circle wanting. Even in a scholar environment, where I thought I would fit in perfectly, reality and my ideals could not be any further. I did fit in to a certain measure, but insufficient to warrant discarding my masks. While most of my friends (even some whom I counted as close) are acquaintances that simply crossed paths with me, there are those whose friendship I believe will transcend this college period. The hours of talking, be it ‘information transfer’, intellectual discourse or simply ‘empty’ talk were more than mere talk. With all my masks and high suspicions against people in general, it is a rare honor indeed to be my confidant. I don’t have to name names; you know who you are.

On the other hand, my cynicism and bitterness towards people in general has been blunted by my experiences in INTEC. Simply put it, I’ve realized that there are some decent and sincere folks out there. Though still a rarity, nevertheless they exist. Though sadly this does not apply to some people who ought to be like that. My experiences in INTEC have not eroded my perception that hypocrisy is an accepted and sanctioned practice among Christians, despite being a Christian myself. I wish I could shake this perception off, but until I find evidence stating otherwise, it will be impossible for me to do so.

Learning to cope as a minority is another markedly relevant lesson I derived from my stint in INTEC. I must admit, entry into INTEC was my first experience in a racially and linguistically polarized environment. Where I came from, one’s skin color was less of a social determinant and everyone more or less spoke languages that were mutually understandable. In INTEC, one’s colour and the language(s) one could speak characterized the social strata of the day. Not surprisingly, I found myself in a no-man’s-land on several occasions. Well, I took this as a positive challenge to pick up Mandarin, and I did so with some success.

So how should I wrap this post up? Simple. INTEC has just been another stepping stone in life, offering its own sets of lessons regarding life. As with life, this one and half years has been like a rose shrub; you have some roses as well as thorns.

I am conflicted

As usual. There are no words to describe it precisely, but it will not stop me from trying. I simply cannot comprehend the intricacies at times. I relish the almost solitary lifestyle that I more often than not, find myself in. The freedom of not wearing a mask and the liberty from fear of being ostracized (or worse still, derided) are too alluring to resist. On the other hand, I despise it intensely, I hate wallowing in the surreal silence for hours at a stretch. It is dehumanizing; it is demeaning; yet time and time again I find myself here.

You see, I am here in this quandary not by choice, but rather I'm forced into it by circumstances. Few will ever understand my predicament, as hardly any have ever walked down my path. They are neither easy nor pleasant footsteps to fill in. Am I an elitist, for seeking company of my own sort? Yet do not birds of a feather flock together, except in my case I have the unfortunate distinction of being a rare avian? Nevertheless, I am thankful that I have crossed paths with other similar friends, despite it being no more than 1 or 2 individuals throughout my life.

I don’t need pity, just a little empathy. I expect little though, for who actually cares?

Free Rice and Vocabulary

Your donation total is 1750 grains of rice.

http://www.freerice.com/

Help feed some people and improve your vocabulary at the same time. Authenticity certified by BBC.

I managed to reach level 41, although I hovered around level 36 most of the time. Try it now!

Disaster

Preemptive Memorial Honors Future Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster

Disasters can't be prevented right, especially those man-made? We only choose to act once a fatal bus crash or ferry sinking occurs. We only choose to act once children are abducted, brutally sexually assaulted and murdered. We only choose to act when lives are lost forever. Is it imprinted within our human nature to behave so?

Remember, remember the 5th of November

Wooohoooooo!!!!! Its the 5th of November!!

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.



Popularized by the grossly underrated 'V for Vendetta', this day stands as a symbol of liberation, a faint glow of hope of liberation from oppression and tyranny. It stands as a testament against the lies and deception of those in power. It also remains a monument for those denied justice and remain silenced, by law or worst still, death.

This day reminds us that suppressing freedom is done in the name of preserving stability and harmony of society. This day reminds us of the constant oppression and silencing of individuals with threats of past bloodshed repeating. This day reminds us that authorities pervert freedom and equal rights in the name of peace. Well, I'm referring to the movie of course, and not any real life situations. Any real-life parallels are purely coincidental and deeply regretted. :)

My favourite quotes:

Artists use lies to tell the truth while politicians use them to cover the truth up.

...ideas are bulletproof.

We are told to remember the idea, not the man. Because a man can fail. He can be caught. He can be killed and forgotten. But four hundred years later an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed firsthand the power of ideas. I've seen people kill in the name of them; and die defending them. But you cannot touch an idea, cannot hold it or kiss it. An idea does not bleed, it cannot feel pain, and it does not love.

Head over to my other blog where I'm paying tribute to this special day!

Reformation

The chain of events that flamed the spiritual reformation in Europe 490 years ago. Martin Luther was opposed to the sales of indulgences by the Catholic Church, which was basically a piece of paper promising people a reduction of time spent in Purgatory not only for themselves, but for their family members, dead or alive. The catch was a payment to fill the coffers of the Catholic Church. Martin Luther criticized it for not only being motivated by greed, but also on grounds that it was going against the Scriptures. On 31 October 1517, he posted his famous '95 Theses' on the doors of a church in Germany, permanently altering the course of Christendom.

A Little Ranting

Sigh. I thought I've finally put those bleak periods behind me once and for all. I thought I've pretty much slammed the door on those days, padlocked it and have moved ahead. How much more wrong could I have been for those times are back with a vengeance. Worse still, I see no light at the end of this tunnel in the short term. I hear the echoes of desolation gnawing on my heart at times, slicing away sliver by sliver. There are moments I blame the world for my predicament, at other times I lay the blame squarely on my own shoulders. However, more recently I am inclined to believe that it lies somewhere between both extremes.

Am I to be blamed for being stuck in this quandary for simply being (inherently) different to the point where my interests and perspectives diverge greatly from that of my peers? Should I be faulted for refusing to wear an ill-fitting mask in order to conform with them?

I've learnt a long time ago that playing the blame game resolves nothing. As such, I will fault no one for my circumstances. I just wished that things aren't what they are. When reality bites, it bites hard.

Hope

Hope, the engine which drives us forward. It blurs past failures and gives a shine to even the bleakest of possibilities. Even through the darkest of nights, there is still a reason to believe that there is a hidden dawn on the horizon. Hope is a dream unrealized, tantalizingly within reach and requiring you to put your foot forward and grasp it.

Anyway, Happy 19th Birthday Ben!

Finals

My finals are in about 8 days time. Wish I had the drive to start studying. Wish I wouldn't take things for granted. Oh well, I'm leaving INTEC in about a month, so you can expect a long tale on my reflections of life in INTEC. :)

I just saw a youtube video that I found profoundly disturbing. Usually I do not find any stuff disturbing, no matter how deviant, gross, shocking or awful, but this time I did. Probably because it struck much closer to home.

Faith will pull me through.

Prayer of the Long-sufferer

A beautiful prayer for those who suffer.

I asked God for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.

I asked for riches, that I might be happy.
I was given poverty, that I might be wise.

I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.

I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life.
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things.

I got nothing I asked for - but everything I had hoped for.
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I among all men, I am most richly blessed!

- Anonymous

Secret Recipe...

Today is my exroom-mate's (Clarence) birthday, so I joined a bunch of guys celebrating his birthday at the newly opened Secret Recipe near Kolej Cemara.

My Frosty lemon tea. Tasted like 7-11's slurpee with an ice-lemon tea flavour. I guess that is what it is.

Chicken Cordon Bleu. Mine had hardly any cheese and I wonder why.

AUSMAT 18 dudes...

Scholars are just a bunch of people with too much money I guess. I've never dined in so many higher-end restaurants prior to my entry into INTEC :)

A White Pebble

At long last, the Seven Seals has given way to a new layout and theme, A White Pebble. Theoretically, the Seven Seals cannot continue to exist as an integral portion of it has been removed to a separate blog, Conceptual Chaos. This blog will continue to serve as a place of my light musings, daily routine and humour.

The name is biblical and is drawn from Revelation 2:17.

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes I will give some of the hidden manna to eat. And I will give him a white stone, and on the stone a new name written which no one knows except him who receives it.

Have you ever wondered, why a stone? Why did Christ promise those who overcome a pebble? Manna yes, I can consume, but a stone?

Well, back in those times, when a person was hauled to court, at the end the verdict would be delivered by presenting the accused with a pebble: a white pebble meant that the accused was acquitted, a black pebble indicated that the accused was found guilty.

The word for "stone" here is transliterated from Greek as "psephos" while the generic word for "stone" found elsewhere in the bible is "lithos". The word "psephos" only occurs twice, the other is found in Acts 26:10. Paul was speaking on his experience while persecuting Christians prior to his conversion.

This I also did in Jerusalem, and many of the saints I shut up in prison, having received authority from the chief priests; and when they were put to death, I cast my vote against them

The word "psephos" is translated as "cast my vote". Besides that, the word "psephos" is used instead of "lithos" in the book of Revelation. Hence, from the context of the verse in Acts, the meaning and function of "a white stone" becomes clear. So when Christ gives you a white stone, it means that He has found you "innocent" and worthy to enter into His Kingdom!

So, do you want a White Pebble now? :)

Conceptual Chaos

Conceptual Chaos : A fissure in the fabric of reality, forced open by a distortion of chaos

My new blog is finally born after all this months! Henceforth, the Seven Seals will only deal with lighter stuff such as those concerning my personal life.

Transition

This blog will be undergoing a transition once more. I've mentioned months ago that this blog will be revamped and split. In the process, it will be undergoing meiosis, not mitosis. For the biologically uninformed, it basically means that my two new blogs will each have themes that do not overlap.

This blog will retain my usual daily rantings, photos, humour and even tags. Yes, it will be lively, light and your-everyday-stuff; essentially a bimbo (urgh.. distasteful term) blog. It will be a window to my public life. Meanwhile, my other blog will be of a rather abstract, philosophical, intellectual and perhaps political nature. This, on the other hand is where I open my inner sanctum to those who share similar interests.

I do admit that I enjoy blogging in both realms, but I can never seem to please my complaining friends. Some enjoy the lighter side of life while others prefer the heavy weight stuff. Sit back and wait, for it is not far off!

Finally 19

I see the twilight of my teenage years on the horizons. I turned 19 yesterday and have only another 365 days left of my teenage years. Years of hope and despair, calm and turmoil, joy and sadness. Somehow I don't think that will characterize my teenage years, but the rest of my life story. Life's a run on the treadmill, a ride on the roller-coaster, which just goes on and on until your momentum eventually dissipates and diminishes into nothing. Well, despite all that I have much to be thankful for in these few years of life.

I spent the day at the Curve with my former roommates of Kolej Cendana, namely Benjamin, Clarence and Vincent.

We had lunch at Tony Romas in Cineleisure, and I had Grilled Lamb.. it was quite nice. Although I'm far more accustomed to chicken and pork. :)




After that, we went to catch a movie: Skinwalkers. It was a decent movie, nothing to shout about but not too bad either (after watching Black Sheep, I guess nothing could actually be bad). And we went bowling after that. For those of you who are unaware, for every movie ticket you purchase from the cineplex in Cineleisure, you are entitled to a free bowling game in the bowling alley located above the cineplex. Rental of shoes is not free though, a pair costs RM2.

And I tried some donuts from Big Apple, located in The Curve. I was initially skeptical about it "being better than Dunkin' Donuts" but I have to concede that I agree. Haha.

Don't they look delicious?

Later at night I had a porky dinner with my family at The Magic Wok, Damansara Jaya. A lovely way to end one's birthday in my opinion. :)

Anyway, thanks for the birthday wishes all of you guys out there!

Dreams

There he stood by the window, his palms pressed onto the blackened panes as he stared into the infinite beyond. Motionless, he remained there and did not flinch even as a bug scurried up his leg. He stood there, lost in a world stretching far beyond his blood shot eyes. The scene of dancing butterflies, hovering dragonflies, bustling bees in an elaborate garden with a quaint little pond stood before him, but yet he did not see it. Truly, the issues of life ran far deeper than the superficial beauty of life which, as he perceived, to penetrate no further than skin-deep. And thoughts danced and swirled into an intricate labyrinth...

Why do you remain behind these tinted panes?

Are you the master of your fate; the captain of your soul. or little more than a deluded slave of destiny?

Personality Test

Just tried out some personality test. I'll say it describes somewhat accurately.

"likes solitude, not revealing, unemotional, rule breaker, avoidant, familiar with the darkside, skeptical, acts without consulting others"

Yup, that is me indeed!

Echoes of Silence

Chilly is the wind which billows through the utter greyness. Into the silent nights do these wisps dissipate. A tinge of gloom lingers in the air, prying its necrosed fingers through the crevices of its crypt. A ring of silence echoes through the vast chambers before fading into the darkness.

I have long since learnt to release bitterness and hatred stored up. Its departure left an indelible mark of emptiness. The absence of negative emotions does not automatically mean that positive emotions are present for there could be nothing but a hollow shell.

I have tasted the contempt of many in the distant past; what difference does a little bile at present make?

Tough Terrible Tag

THANKS TO BEN WHO THINKS THAT MY BLOG NEEDS AN UPDATE :)

Seven things to be done before my death.
1. Serve God and fulfill His will (Christ-centered not Purpose-driven life please!)
2. Prove that order and chaos are not opposites but are one
3. Find a buddy whom I can actually relate to
4. Write some books (content to be determined)
5. Master several languages including Chinese and Greek
6. Watch the world fall apart
7. Know that I did not regret living

Seven things I will NOT do even if it kills me.
1. Convert
2. Vices
3. Be ungrateful
4. Betray a true friend (yup, I’ll betray one who is not)
5. Stop thinking and contemplating
6. Stop exposing a truth publicly
7. Be different

Seven things I do when I'm away from the public.
1. Contemplate on the meaning of life
2. Ponder my next move in the Great Chess Game
3. Write out my abstract thoughts
4. Study ancient glyphs ;)
5. Design stuff on Photoshop
6. Explore the vastness of the Internet
7. Wish I was out in the public more and yet not.

Seven fav sentences/quotes.
1. *a knowing silence*
2. Erm….
3. Real “Huh??”
4. Real “What??”
5. Convenient “Huh??”
6. Convenient “What??”
7. I just know it la

Seven favourite songs from all time
1. Battle Hymn of the Republic
2. Amazing Love
3. Amazing Grace
4. Shout To The Lord
5. When It’s All Been Said And Done – Don Moen
6. I’m Just A Kid – Simple Plan
7. Welcome To My Life – Simple Plan

Seven things I'll make you wish you didn't do if you did.
1. Bully the weak
2. Think of yourself as “cooler” than others
3. Be a hypocrite
4. Act selfishly
5. Be KIASU!
6. Be jealous of others
7. Be inconsiderate

Seven people to tag.
1. June
2. Eugin
3. Sanjit
4. Ian
5. Eujeen (that’s a double tag eh) :P
6. DUN
7. NO

Mandarin

我已经学习华语一年了。虽然我只会说一点可是我会听华语。我也会读和写差不多五百个华文字。现在我不是香蕉，只是我是半香蕉。哈哈哈！

Translation : I've been learning Mandarin for a year already. Although I am barely capable of speaking the language, at least I can understand when others speak. I am also able to read and write approximately 500 Chinese characters. As of now I am no longer a banana, but still am a half banana. Hahaha!

A long day

I had class from eight 'til six today. Feeling so drained and I have to complete an Accounts Assignment by tonight. AUSMAT is a real torture, at least INTEC's version of AUSMAT though. I doubt it that other colleges could screw up such a program so badly. But then again, INTEC is a scholars college. So circumstances are vastly different from the mushrooming private colleges out there I guess. No offense to anyone. ;) Here are some pictures to reflect the utterly inspiring and interesting classes I went through today. Both pics were snapped using my phone. :)



A seemingly trivial but interesting event to note though. My Moral Lecturer posed a pretty unusual question at me in the midst of a class today, "Christians should correct someone who is doing wrong isn't it, Joel?"

My answer?

RIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGHHHHHTTTTTTTTTT............. :D

Logitech G3

My newest mouse to replace my previous A4 Tech mouse which died barely after its warranty expired. That Murphy's Law at its finest. Or either the mouse is designed to self destruct shortly after its warranty expires. Go figure.

Modern Child Keeping

Report: Many U.S. Parents Outsourcing Child Care Overseas

Help the rich!

In The Know: Are America's Rich Falling Behind The Super-Rich?

Pushing Ahead

Sorry guys for the lack of blogging activity. I've been engaged in a major project lately as some of you guys are aware. It's been a major battle not only externally but internally as well. Refer the immediate post below this.

The hectic pace of AUSMAT life has somewhat slowed down this week. I feel relieved and yet not so. This lull is the calm before the storm which moves ashore at the end of this month, my trials! Then my finals shall commence in early November. I should be worried and tense but I'm not. And I have no idea why the feeling of urgency has not kicked in yet, if it ever will. Weirdly, I can sense the winds of freedom billowing after the storms. Perhaps I have finally learnt to look beyond the storms.

The Watchfire

The first spark flickers in the heart of darkness. The scintillating display develops as a flint scrapes against the other, squealing in agony. As the sparks scatter and falls below, the twigs and dry leaves below are set ablaze. The flame licks the dry wood, envelopes it and becomes one with it. A Watchfire is born.
Click on the watchfire to enter.

Yet another day

Hey guys, still remember me?

I've been so occupied the past week with assignments and tests. I don't expect the situation to abate in the immediate future. There has been many tough lessons on life over the past week; some new, some forgotten. Well, the usual wandering in the wilderness must continue for I have few alternatives.

Coincidentally, it happens to be the 50th year of Independence today. I am no particular fan of flag fetishism as I believe that such symbols are superficial. Numbers hold little significance to me. 50 years mean nothing if no real progress is made. In fact it becomes a burden as the increased years is met with an equal rise of expectations. A patriotic citizen is the law-abiding citizen that acts in the best interest of his nation and not one that parades around with flags covering every inch of his personal belongings. Well, for what its worth anyway, Happy Independence Day!

Spider Pig

LOL

Ripples

The first white pebble is cast in the midst of a long drawn frigid night. It pierces the delicate silvery skin of the forlorn lake, and it unleashes its energy concealed beneath its benign appearance. The first shock waves rush outward in every direction. The polished portrait of perfection is shattered in an instant. Its reverberations echo through the entire body of water as water laps along the parched edges. As the energy dissipates into the depths of darkness, silence falls once more.

Tetelestai

This is a short prose inspired by my recent study on the Greek word “tetelestai”, which is commonly translated as “It is finished”, the words uttered by Christ as He was dying. The poem describes precisely its meaning, or at least I hope it does. I'm more accustomed to writing poems of a different nature, so do pardon me if you find its craftsmanship shoddy.

Tetelestai

As He cried out on that cross, “It is finished”
As love, not nails held Him there, He uttered His last,
the earth shook and my prison bars were shattered
and there He stood before my sorrow-stricken eyes.
His arms outstretched in a loving embrace
“My child, you are free to go
for I have bore your sentence in full.
Go, and sin no more.”

As He cried out on that cross, “It is finished”,
death could not hold Him for long.
He took my ever-compounding debts,
paid them in full with His precious blood
and emancipated me from eternal slavery.
Then He hoisted me upon His shoulder,
and showed me a mansion from afar,
“My child, it awaits you at the end of your journey
where you will dwell with Me forever.”

Back to the Wilderness

I find myself staring at the leaves drifting past once again. A deafening silence cloaks me despite the rustling of those withered leaves. I am staring ahead, and yet I am not; for I am truly far away exploring the hidden crevices in my mind. I do not know how many masks have I shuffled through the past week, but I know for sure that I have exhausted my entire wardrobe of masks. For one thing, every mask worn eventually demands a payment in terms of emotions for its service rendered.

The burning throbbing sensation on my palms does not cease. My hands glow of crimson and I writhe because of the wounds inflicted not by a foe, but by a friend. Deep indeed are the wounds made by a trusted one. Perhaps friends have changed, or perhaps I have erred in perceiving the true situation. Yet the wounds do not account for the sheer volume of blood on my hands. The blood of another mingles with that of mine. I cannot escape this scene. There is little to be said except that this guilt has opened the floodgates of bitter memories. I’m sorry for that all that has been said and done. I may be forgiven, but I do not know if I can forgive myself.

Perhaps it is time for me to return back to where I have always been more at home. The wilderness of the mind is a land where the laws of nature hold no sway over. There is neither life nor death planted in the dust. Driven here by my unwanted hand of mortis, it will do no harm here. I have come to realize that my gauntlet wrecks havoc on all matter it touches. I have little choice but to depart from civilisation not for my sake, but for the sake of others. I have had enough of my social missteps and the harm wrought upon others. No one, save God will understand why I do what I do. No one, save God will understand how I feel at times. Here my sole companion, loneliness awaits me to resume my journey. She stands there in silence, imploring me to move out. She has followed me most of the days of my life, and I suspect she will accompany me till I reach my dusty grave. The dry harsh winds have issued forth their call. And so I shall wander forth into the gray horizons.

Nescafe Latte

I recently developed a new passion. Coincidentally, it will help me pull through my last semester in AUSMAT. The long drawn sleepless nights beckons. ;)

Split

After thinking about my prior post regarding "Quality Blogging", I realized that some photo blogging and posting up some daily light blogging is necessary to give my circle of dispersed friends and family a means to know how I am doing. This puts me in a dilemma as many of my friends are complaining about how heavy my new posts are. On the other hand, there are others who enjoy reading them and like the thought provoking ideas I forward. I have thus reached the decision to create another blog to cater to this two separate niches. This current blog will be used for my regular routine and crap, while another blog will be dealing with my contemplations and complex thoughts. However, this idea could just remain as one as I am pursuing more urgent projects in the meantime. Expect changes though, in the coming weeks.

Just some musings on life...

It's been another crazy week. So much has transpired but I am unable to fully describe the turn of events of this period. I will try my best to do so though.

Life is but a vapour, a wisp that dances before your eyes and is gone the next moment. The decades may seem to stretch for eternity, but each decade is no more than a grain of sand in the hourglass of time. As soon as a toddler is able to get on his feet and peer beyond the constrains of his cradle, he should be able to catch a glimpse of his grave on the horizons, complete with a tombstone etched with his name. I'm not being fatalistic, I'm staring at reality undistorted. Hence, in light of the brevity of life, do be sure that the choices you make now are the ones that you will not look back someday with regret.

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser" - John W. Gardner

You can never be sure of your tomorrows, for what if...

...you fell through that hole in the roof...

... and splattered five storeys onto the concrete below?

Because it did happen to someone in my hostel yesterday. It occurred at the block next to mine. I'm not joking, take a closer look at the picture above. The brownish stain is actually blood and the debris around it are roof fragments. I do not know if the guy who fell through survived, but circulating rumours say otherwise. I am not surprised. It would take a miracle to survive such a fall.

Besides that, what happened?

I am emotionally spent. The events of the preceding weeks have left me drained and my focus has been disrupted. I find myself staring blankly into the thin air at times, my thoughts raging in the midst of an imagined war zone. My actions during the course of this period have definitely been out of character, to the point that I surprise myself at times. What happened to the usually soft-spoken, cheerful and friendly dude? It is at times like this that I am forced to consider the possibility that I still have undiscovered triggers bidding its time to be detonated.

I should not be surprised though. After all, I received a lashing out from someone whom I never thought of as capable of doing so several days ago. It shocked me, not because of its severity, but because I always perceived the person to be extremely patient, nice, friendly, etc.. you get the picture. My heinous crime that earned me such a lashing was nothing more than to call a spade a spade after all. It looks like people don't seem to enjoy the truth being stated, be it tactful or bluntly. In fact, if it had been anyone else, I would not have been surprised, but seeing it from this person is something new. I think I may need a lesson in diplomacy.

I may have been walking around portraying my usual calm and stoical self to the world but no one has had a glimpse of the firestorm raging within. Now that the inferno of indignation has consumed itself completely, I am left to contemplate with its remnants. A fire is not solely an agent of destruction; it is also an agent of refinement. It consumes; it purifies. Whether I am consumed or purified remains to be seen…

Battle Hymn of the Republic

A very old but meaningful song. :) It has an intriguing history behind it; and its scriptural depth within is simply amazing.

Here it goes:

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord:
He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored;
He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword:
His truth is marching on.

I have seen Him in the watch-fires of a hundred circling camps
They have builded Him an altar in the evening dews and damps
l can read His righteous sentence by the dim and flaring lamps
His day is marching on.

I have read a fiery gospel writ in burnish`d rows of steel,
"As ye deal with my condemners, So with you my grace shall deal;"
Let the Hero, born of woman, crush the serpent with his heel
Since God is marching on.

He has sounded form the trumpet that shall never call retreat
He is sifting out the hearts of men before His judgment-seat
Oh, be swift, my soul, to answer Him! be jubilant, my feet!
Our God is marching on.

ln the beauty of the lilies Christ was born across the sea,
With a glory in His bosom that transfigures you and me:
As He died to make men holy, let us die to make men free,
While God is marching on.

Anarchy?

"Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one." - Thomas Paine

Ever since mankind achieved the threshold known as “civilization”, among its distinguishing traits are a hierarchical society and stable governance. Traditionally, governments have been regarded as essential for a society to develop. Apparently, the need to appoint an authority over their heads proved to be that which “civilized” human beings which brought organization and structure to society as a whole. Hence, we find the various forms of governments in every history textbooks, from the god-kings pharaohs, monarchies and theocracies to democracies.

As I have been reading lately on the shortfalls of governments worldwide, this has led me to toying with an idea, why is a government necessary? Could we do without an authority dictating our lives? Before I proceed any further, it is important that I disclaim that I am not advocating anarchism, but I find it quite a novel concept to ponder on. Far from being the chaos and bedlam that anarchy conjures up in one’s mind, anarchism actually has its proponents globally since antiquity. No, these folks are not deranged or rebels and they wear their labels as “anarchists” proudly.

The word anarchy is derived from Greek, translated literally to be “no-rulers”. Anarchism is simply a society which does not have a formal governing institution. Ok, on the surface it may not seem so feasible, but let’s start from analyzing other forms of governments. In the modern perspective, monarchism is an antiquated concept that remains as a relic of the Middle Ages. Very few absolute monarchies remain, and of those which remain are under pressure to democratize. Additionally, the traditional notion of an “empire” is now regarded as oppressive and inhuman, and so vast empires which existed in history are now fragmented into many nation-states, such as in Europe and the former Soviet Union. Meanwhile, authoritarianism is viewed as a centralization of wealth and power within the hands of an upper echelon. This high concentration of power ultimately allows them to impoverish the common peasant and conscript them to wage their personal wars for glory, all in the name of patriotism. Hence, modern society seeks to distance itself from such ideology, with the prevailing philosophy of human rights and equality.

The rise of democracy and fall of authoritarianism and empires all point at one trend, the devolution of central authority. Contemporary philosophy of governance revolves around self-determination, that is letting the common folk decide on their own fate, which society believes is best found in democracy. The doctrine of self-determination is enshrined within the UN Charter, and it is on this principle that the UN supports nations breaking of the shackles of imperialism since the mid 20^th century till the present, as in the case of East Timor. So do you see the trend now? Decentralization and dilution of authority leads to ordinary citizens having a greater say over their own lives. Now, what if we were to stretch this concept to its extreme by giving each person absolute freedom by placing his own destiny on his palm? If less authority is regarded as better, then surely no authority must be the best.

One school of thought, known as anarcho-capitalism, views capitalism as a form of anarchism. Firstly, the essence of capitalism can be described as such: if every individual strives to guard and expand his own interests, then society will function optimally. This is expressed as individuals competing in the market to satisfy his needs. Once again, the opposing end of this economic spectrum is represented by communism, or a state-controlled economy. As history has shown, communism has proved to be a dismal failure with not even a token of success. The Communist bloc of the Cold War is virtually non-existent, and its remnants such as Cuba and North Korea currently suffer from extremely low standards of living. Capitalism has once more proved to be the most effective economic system in providing for society. Our current civilization, which prides itself to be the most technologically advanced and wealthiest in known history, was made only possible through capitalism.

If the free market were to operate without any government interference, all public goods would be privatized. This essentially means that education, security and other amenities will have to be purchased at market rates. Think of it as impossible? Look at Somalia. In the absence of a government over the past 16 years, it has thrived in comparison to other African States, many of which are either democratic or autocratic. Here are some statistics. Somalia is a perfect case study of how anarchy doesn’t necessarily boot a society back into the stone ages. As a matter of fact, it is interesting to note that Somalia has one of the best communications network in Africa due to intensive competition in the deregulated telecommunications market.

In short, Anarchism works on the principle that if every person fends for himself, then society will function optimally. This is because a human being will work hardest if it is to sustain and increase his own standing, and if everyone in society were to do that, the collective result will be maximized.

I am still of the opinion that anarchism is a little overly utopian, but nevertheless, it is a fascinating scenario to delve into. Anarchism is just another passing convoluted thought. I welcome comments and do point out if you note any inconsistencies or flaws in my arguments.

Quality Blogging

Blogging is a trend that has been around for several years. I have been blogging since 2004, although truth be told I did not begin to blog seriously since last year. Over the course of these few years, I have watched the blogosphere evolve and take on new forms, some more desirable, others less. As of late I have only been watching in muted horror as substandard blogs flood the blogosphere. I break this seal of silence today as I saw this new blog with a horribly messy template, overwhelming advertisements, blurred photos and extremely shallow content; this guy explicitly stated he was trying to project a mysterious aura. And for that, I give him an E for his pathetic attempt. This blog is typical of the sea of blogs which carry little, if any content; which serve little more than to lend some cheap glitter and glamour to their owners. While I deem myself unqualified to define the criteria one needs to meet before being worthy of the title "blogger", I personally feel that blogs should have an impact on their readers.

I find myself jumping around from blog to blog, feeling despaired by the shallowness. Many blogs simply scream "Look at me! Please say I'm cool, dude!". Messy templates and teeming advertising do little to mediate the situation. In fact, I'm linking this trend of substandard blogs with the recent fad of monetizing one's blog. I strongly suspect that it is the sole reason for the recent influx of blogs within this world. Capitalism, the bane that sucks human souls dry. It draws in people whom in real life would struggle to write a coherent sentence. Blogs nowadays truly lack the most important ingredient; it should reflect the soul of the blogger.

Fine, if some of these bloggers keep blogs as personal diaries or limited to within their private social circle, then I will refrain from judging those blogs. I have no rights to criticise another person if his blog was not intended for public viewing. You can't blast a person for decorating their private home according to their tastes right? However, with regards to the crappy blog I mentioned above, its owner was clearly seeking profit with no regards to his blog quality. He was trawling around forums and other such sites promoting his blog. That guy's actions are far from unique as so many people are out there trying to advertise their lousy blogs. People whom in real life would not have the guts to write a sentence for public viewing. And for that, I feel that he has granted the public a license to scrutinize his blog, and tear it apart, if they will.

Bloggers, don't just post "I went to *insert place* today... I had this for lunch with so-and-so. These are a few 'LaLa' photos of us". Rather, post your thoughts and insights on your life around you. "A picture is worth a thousand words". That cliche is a blatant lie. A photo provides nothing more than a superficial image of the person in question. A thousand words, on the other hand, colour his character, paints his personality, and breathes life into that person. When you get to know a person, you are not dissecting a skin bag of tissue and bones. You are connecting with the soul within, and you learn more about the complex engine of character and morality driving the person.

I've never discriminated blogs, but I feel that these recent events have forced me to reconsider my neutrality. Henceforth, I will be imposing higher quality control standards on this blog. My short fling with capitalism ends here. I will retain advertisements on my blog, but I will downgrade their commercial prominence. I declare myself an ardent blog critic from this point onwards. My blog hereby undergoes the following reforms:

1. No more photoblogging - Except photos of sufficient significance.
2. No more doing tags - Sorry guys, but I feel that its shallow. We have friendster and other such social networking sites for such banter.
3. Strict vetting of link-exchange
4. More intellectual and thought provoking posts

As some of you guys know, I have been hard at work in creating a new blog. I don't know if its possible, but I will strive to keep it a "quality blog". The Seven Seals will cease to be in the coming months.

I will not end this post by apologizing to anyone whom I have offended. Instead I will issue out a challenge to all bloggers who have read this post to give blogs back their rightful souls. That is if you are interested in reclaiming your blog back from that huge garbage heap out there.

Covert Storms

Well, life goes on once more. The pace of life since the start of this semester several weeks ago has been accelerating rapidly. The gradual swirling of life into a vortex portends the birth of another months-long hurricane. Somehow, I sense that this gathering storm is unlike that which I've faced in the past. The waters reflect a subtle malevolence, foreboding a prolonged night of nightmares. Nevertheless as I survived the last storm relatively unscathed, so I pray for a similar outcome this season.

A Random Picture

A pic I snapped in my hostel Kolej Cemara :)

Cute eh?? The mother was kinda protective though. :)

A Tribute

Let this day not go unmarked. 9 years ago on this precise moment, those tears were shed with an intensity that I have never known before, and since then. 9 long years have come and gone just like that since that night but the memories still remain cemented in. I suppose that from wherever you are looking down now, you wouldn’t want to see anymore tears shed for you. And so I have moved on, but not without a sense of loss and occasional mourning. Perhaps your coming and leaving had its purpose; to teach those around you the meaning of love and patience. If that was your designated purpose by Him, then know that it was well accomplished.

I’m sure where ever you are now, it must be a better place, free from suffering. I may have known little more of you than your laughter and groaning, but since when were ties ever formed on the sole basis of words? I may never have had the chance to say goodbye; perhaps it is because your departure was never final. Nevertheless, you will still be missed, my brother. We shall meet again someday, somewhere better.

A tribute

Mid Valley Megamall

Another trip this weekend, but this time to Mid Valley Megamall. It has been a very long and busy weekend but a good one nevertheless. I watched Transformers for the second time this weekend, not out of love for the movie but because my friends wanted to watch it. The things I do for the sake of friends. :) Anyway, I'll not post a second review on Transformers for two reasons. One, my opinion on the simple and kiddish plot still stands. Two, I actually fell asleep somewhere past the midpoint, only to be woken up when the credits started to roll. Oh ya guys, remember to stay back after the credits; the extra footage is split over 3 parts. So stay back 'til all the credits are over.

Anyway, the outing was to serve as Nigel's farewell before he leaves for Auckland, New Zealand next week. It's down to 3 of us this time... Where's Keane??? In Perth hor... Alas, the fellowship has been broken. Our gang, formed since form 4 (2004) is slowly dispersing, and I shall be the last of us to leave Malaysian shores next year. I shall always remember all the stupid and wacky crap we did and said back then. The paddyfield "scandal", the grandma issue, the Miss MPS's stories, my "idiots" list and many others.

We had dinner in our our traditional restaurant, Nandos! We have been eating Nandos in every outing since dunno when. I'll miss it when it comes to an end eventually.

Sanjit, me and Nigel (L>R)

The empty place next to Sanjit reserved for Keane *sob sob* :)

Nigel's crash diet plan to impress the NZ chicks ;) Nah, he's just vegetarian.

1 Utama Outing

There was some Parent-Lecturer day in my college and all classes were unofficially canceled. Not that it mattered, except that we have to replace the classes missed at some point in the future. I guess happiness can indeed be borrowed from the future.

Anyway, my friends and I decided (kinda last minute I must say) to catch Transformers in 1 Utama. This time there were 5 of us, Benjamin, Clarence, Jeremy, Leon and I. The movie was neither the best nor worst movie that I've watched. No spoilers here though, so you can read on. I'll rate it somewhere between those two extremes. I'll rate it high for the special effects and realistic CGI (Computer Generated Images) but low for the rather simple storyline. I'm not one for a movie that portrays clear-cut black and white morality. The "good" guys fight for the sake of goodness, spouting out some shallow justification which just doesn't cut it. Same goes for the "bad" guys. Life ain't always that simple you know. The good guy isn't 100% good and vice versa for the bad guy. I'll discuss ethics here another day though.

After that, we went to eat lunch at TGIF. Decent food, and we got some free food at the end of it, but it will have to be redeemed sometime within the next couple of month. So that means yet another outing to get it guys. :)

Jeremy, Benjamin, Leon, Me and Clarence (L>R)

Mac n Cheese (Yummy!)

Chicken Parmesan (Not-so-great - Chicken was bland)

Chicken Parmesan Quesadillas (Quite tasty - except I don't like tomatoes)

Pale Dawn

So this is the pale dawn. A chilly gray morning, devoid of the characteristic colours that give life its flavour. No morning songs of the early bird, no striking blossoms, no fresh morning dew, no warmth from the sickly yellow sunbeams, no rejuvenated life that accompanies each sunrise. The air is frosty and heavy, it smothers and casts a heavy shadow of gloom on those who dare to step upon this path. It is no less of a tragedy each time one's life loses its taste and its pulse runs weak.

Tragic, isn't it? In truth, sunrise is not so dismal; but it is the eyes and ears of one which remain shut. Such is a person that he can go through life without sensing its wonders. Surely this has not been imposed on that individual against his own will. The truth could be not any further from that. Ultimately, it is the person who chooses to embrace such deafness and blindness by allowing himself to be choked by the world. We will all undergo the trials that is to come. Whether we sink and drown or soar over the storms is in our hands.

Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.

Psalm 42:5

Kem Bina Insan

I have just returned back from another camp that I am required to undergo as a prerequisite for my scholarship. It lasted from Friday evening 'til Sunday afternoon. The camp was carried out in Lakeview Training Center, Sungai Tinggi, Selangor. It was by no means strenuous like the last camp that I attended but it was worse in some ways. I won't carry out a long critical analysis of this camp, unlike the previous camp, as this camp lacked the passionate rhetoric of that camp. However, it would be unfair to compare both camps directly using the same yardstick as each camp was designed with different intentions and objectives. My best guess on the objectives of the first camp, BTN, were to ensure that we return back to Malaysia after completing our studies in Australia and New Zealand. I would say that the second camp was aimed at encouraging us to hold fast to our "Asian" values while living abroad. I have no problems with such goals, but I did have a problem of the mode of implementation, which I fully intend to explain here. :)

The camp involved several modules whereby we had to undergo over the course of the 3 days spent there. Personally I was quite apprehensive before the camp, and after going through it, I conclude that I was right to feel so. The methods used to inculcate moral values include manipulation of emotions and implanting bigoted social theories, but I will not touch on the latter in public domain (contact me for further details if you are curious).

Most of the activities we had to carry out were pretty mild, except for two which I found to be quite repulsive. The first, which actually consisted of two separate events, but I'll lump them as one since they run along the same theme. It was basically some emotionally-charged charade in which it saw a large portion of the camp participants breaking down and crying. Even some guys succumbed to the emotional lulling.

The events basically started with some Dharmic-type of meditation (which I refused to participate out of personal beliefs) which dragged on for along time followed by some emo-music(I think!) being played and the facilitators sputtering and sobbing asking us to bring images of our parents and all that they have done for us. Oh, how pathetic was the scene when many of the camp participants started crying themselves. Not that I have anything against appreciating parents, it is one of the most fundamental duty of a human being. But as I have mentioned before, I do not like to be dictated on how I should love anyone, be it my parents or my country. More so in this case, when all this outpouring of emotions is little more than an artificially induced scenario. Love is to be given freely, not demanded or forcefully elicited. Furthermore, I must state that I thought of the facilitators as shedding no more than crocodile tears and running a Grammy-award-deserving show. Come on, you can't be weeping sincerely at every camp that you are running, and hope to con the participants.

The second activity which drew the ire of me and most of my friends was a module called "Emergency Plane". It was about 11pm on Saturday night when the module was launched. We were thrown into a scenario whereby we had to plead with the plane's captains (who were just the facilitators) to allow us to board the place to Australia (which is my actual destination next year). Plead is such a mild word... beg is more like it. We had to literally get on our knees and beg them to "let us fly to Australia". I found this exercise so degrading, humiliating, cheapening, mortifying, shameful and embarrassing. The words of one of those present there, Erica, rang so true in my ears indeed. I can't recall her exact words, but it goes along this line, "My parents are paying taxes to fund this people to degrade me!". It's not empty whining, because it is true; this camp was funded by the taxes paid by Selangorians, which include my parents!

At first, the few of us "pakat" to stay put and not go an kneel before them, 'til time ran out. But the facilitator was "unable" to keep track of time, and kept extending the "boarding time" so we had no choice but to eventually go and beg as it was quickly approaching midnight. I was actually fully prepared to received any amount of blasting from the facilitators instead of kneeling and begging. At least I would have retained some dignity and pride to face others. But it was not so... No, don't downplay the issue and say its nothing. We Chinese do not simply kneel before anyone. It is a serious insult to our dignity and evokes images of a condemned prisoner pleading before an emperor for the lives of himself and his family. It is a slap in our faces to be forced to do so. If we must kneel without shame, it would be before dignitaries and divinity. Do those facilitators qualify as either one of them? I do not have to provide the answer to such a ludicrous question.

I did not grasp the purpose of the activity, other than to directly humiliate us. Perhaps they can justify it by giving some weak reasoning.

Here are some pictures of the camp. It does not evoke much sweet memories, but I'll put them up anyway. After all, bitterness complements sweetness.

Sungai Tinggi Dam

The Camp

The guys dorm

Double beds shared by 2 people each! I got a single bed fortunately

The canteen

My group doing a presentation on Abstinence :)

Some balloon bursting game

THE HUMILIATION

THE HUMILIATION (from another angle)

Eating with hands :S

The farewell

The bus ride home

My regular "meal group" :)

Voyages

Drifting from one signpost to another, each bearing a vague name of its own, marking the arrival at yet another station of life. What eases the passage from one station to another? The currency of maturity, as I have realised, is essential in lubricating the journey from one outpost to another. Nevertheless, some are naturally endowed in abundance, others must accrue it by undertaking painful journeys to distant places while many simply scrape through life dealing with what little life has afforded them with.

Maturity greases the wheels by which one travels through life. It gives the one who has more of it an edge in dealing with the unpredictability of life. In contrary to popular belief, I firmly believe that maturity is not automatically conferred with age. I believe that it is nurtured and learnt, very much like how a child acquires language. Furthermore, as every individual has his own learning curve, likewise different people mature at varying progression rates. Some must sojourn further and for a longer duration as compared to others. In this context, I am not referring to physical journeys like pilgrimages, but rather, the mental and emotional seas that one must sail through at different stages of life. It is not the ends by itself that matters, but rather it is the journey that bestows wisdom and experience. Despite it all, I stand here unable to judge if maturity is a final destination or a lifelong journey.

A New Chapter - Kolej Cemara

It is a new dawn... Somehow a new dawn always tastes sweeter, even more so after a night of bitterness. And at long last all the tears of sorrow spilled has been replaced with that of joy and hope. I registered at Kolej Cemara today, but I have decided not to move in today, rather I will do it tomorrow. Here are a few pictures of Kolej Cemara.