Holidays (Warning - Photo Loaded)

I’ve been away the past five days or so, and you would have probably noticed it if you drop by regularly. I spent the last Saturday and Sunday in Port Dickson with my family, for er, Family Day. :) Although Port Dickson is famed for its beaches, the resort that I stayed in was nowhere near the beach, but attempted to replicate the beach by having an artificial beach cum water theme park. But since it was at the beginning of the holidays, the pools were constantly infested with kids and naturally I steered clear of the pools.

After that, on Monday I went for my old school's Christian Fellowship Camp. I've been participating in it the past 2 years and this year is no exception. The camp was held in the Sufes Campsite, Tapah which is located at the foothills of Cameron Highlands. I was last here in 2005, and there has been some changes in the campsite itself. It proved to be as eventful as the previous camp, as some of you probably recall ;). Well, I learnt many things from the camp. Well,it proved to be quite an interesting experience and so goes the saying. "Experience is a harsh teacher. First comes the test, then comes the lesson."

The camp proved to be a timely respite from life. I actually managed to put my stressful life in INTEC behind. All those hauntings... those days of crushing stress, depression, loneliness, bitterness and confusion were left behind. Perhaps the storm has finally calmed. Perhaps this is an open door to start things anew, now that the old is gone. The cycle of life is never broken.

Since the theme of the camp was "Discovery", I discovered many things. Firstly, I realised that I do have limits in areas of patience and calmness. I've always prided myself as a stoic who remains unchanged and in control of myself despite the circumstances but this camp proved otherwise. I am surprised at myself too for discovering that I have a violent streak buried deep somewhere inside me. Not that it is something to be proud of though. Leadership comes at a price of self-sacrifice at times. It is the leader who serves his people, not the other way around. Nevertheless, the camp was fun, and everyone had a great time there.

Ok, so now on to the photos... And so on the bus ride there, let me introduce our camp commandant Eugin who is just a little bit camera shy... ;)

Oh yea, he has blogged on this camp too.

Then in 2005

Now in 2007

Dorm then back in 2005 (with a sleepy Daniel Sim :) )

Dorm now in 2007

Daniel Sim, Daniel Tan and Philip (L->R)
Philip and Manu

Adam, Timothy and Dorje (L->R)

Spider web game...

Build a structure using straws and chewed chewing gum (gross!)

The beloved CF teacher, Miss Lee, Daniel Sim and Adam (R->L)

Eva and Mr Terence, our camp speaker.

The End.

Ps. The photos up here have been highly compressed. I have many more photos but I can't post them here due to space constraints. If you want other photos or higher quality photos, don't hesitate to ask me for them. :)

Experience

An experience...

Now I know what it is like to be robbed. Literally. Almost, not robbed but close to it. Thank God. I was jogging around my neighbourhood about 20 minutes earlier, when a motorcyclist rode up to me. I was just beside a deep drain when he rode up and cornered me. An Indian chap, I would guess in his early 20s asked me for directions in Malay, to a place that was no where near my neighbourhood at all. Couldn't see his face clearly due to his helmet. I told him so, and he suddenly he took out a crowbar about 20 cm long and demanded for my phone. I was jogging and wasn't carrying anything with me, and told him so but he didn't believe me so he actually went through my pockets but they were empty of course. He promptly hopped onto his motorcycle and zoomed of around the corner in a blink of an eye before I could note down anything. It happened just a few houses away from mine and I went home after that of course. It happened in daylight! Crazy...

I just thank God that I am safe and lost nothing...

That which does not kill me makes me stronger

Ps. I'm ok. I'm not traumatized or anything. So don't have to ask me if I'm ok or not. :)

A New Dawn

Light pierces the black horizon; an almost imperceptible glimmer on the ascent. The nights of darkness have stretched far beyond the endurance of hope; imbued with an unnatural life of its own. The seemingly eternal grip of darkness has been shattered. Chirping birds awake from their long slumber. New green shoots are put forth by the land, it rejoices with hope of renewed life. A very faint glint, but nevertheless it whispers promises of a brighter day ahead. A promise to reverse the wrongs committed throughout the darkness. There is no undoing the harm wrought in the past, but the path of atonement is unveiled by daybreak. And it shall end as a pilgrimage that has long strayed from its intended destination which shall once more find its footing.

I judge myself by what I will do, others judge me by what I have done.

Crossroads

So the holidays have began, and will last out a whole month. A semester has ended, I've moved out of my hostel Kolej Cendana, (which I will blog about one of these days), and the last page of another chapter beckons. I shall label this chapter "Crossroads", hinting of the covert turbulence that has been rocking my vessel. As with any typical story, it began on a high note of optimism and confidence of a trouble free trek. As the cliche goes, every garden has its snake, and mine is no exception. Yes, it is a chapter littered with peals of genuine laughter and radiates human warmth, but it also harbors stains of suppressed tears and bitterness, if you were to look between the lines. The echoes of whispers uttered in darkness has reached my ears. Not once, nor twice, but more than I would actually care to enumerate.

There are trees that cannot thrive in the wastelands. Heap a tonne of manure and a river basin of water, the tree will still wilt and be ravaged eventually. Meanwhile for example, some have shown the true value of friendship, and others have done the exact opposite. I have seen with my eyes and beyond, the hearts of some, scheming to manipulate and milk others dry. I say nothing, not out of helplessness, but because I believe that it is pointless to steer a ship with a damaged rudder. It will only sail in the desired direction for so long before going astray eventually. Likewise there are those whose eyes are so clouded with their own judgmental and egoistic nature.Never mind about that for experience has taught me that the pleasant memories mingled with bitterness provides for a complete chapter. There is nothing like a dash of pain to reinforce and distinguish the reality of a dim memory from a distant dream.

Countless grains of time have fallen in a fine cascading mist marking the passage of time. I hereby list down several issues that I hope will take a turn for the better in the coming chapter:
1. Stronger willpower and calmness
2. Deflect underhanded taunts and poised knives
3. Relight the torch of hope
4. Focus on the narrow road ahead

This list is non-exhaustive and could be extended as I develop more ideas. That's all for now. Goodnight.

Masks

Masks. They are largely ingrained in popular culture with a variety of connotations. Mention the word masks, and it instantly conjures up images of innocent kids caught in the midst of their playful banter imitating superheroes or their nemesis. On the flip side of the coin, masks can also evoke sinister pictures of a sadistic serial killer prowling around in search of prey to satisfy his twisted lusts. So well, masks of varied designs occupies every rung throughout the spectrum of emotions. A mask for every occasion. Gaudy clown masks elicit laughter, white opera masks instill a sense of mystery bordering on coldness while demonic masks inspire fear and discomfort.

So how do masks work? Basically they work by granting the one who wears it a temporal personality, and the person becomes whom the mask represents. To put it simply, the mask takes over the individual and expresses its nature through that particular person.

So now what? If you've been reading my blog long enough, you should know that I do not delve into such abstract information to such depths without identifying a parallel concept in daily life. Life demands that we wear masks at times. Not literally, but in the sense where we betray our true selves and adopt a new personality to suit the occasion. No serious harm if we indulge in it occasionally for social purposes, but the risk is it becomes a part of us. Not just a mask where we can put on at will, but one that can slip in insidiously and take over us without us realizing.

I'm guilty of that as well, on more than a single occasion. I cannot ever take them off, its just an issue of switching between masks. It is a daily choice between a wide assortment and these are just to name a few : the most common - the silent indifferent "I don't care" mask; the humorless philosopher; the fatalistic griper; the stoical commentator; and probably the rarest - the bubbly cheerful crapping teen. Perhaps they each form a part of the fractal that I call "Myself". No, I will not tie them down to moods, since I am able to switch at will regardless of emotions. That is why I classify them as masks. A mask to deal with alternating situations. Which goes to say that I am meticulous in crafting a specific mask to deal with a social situation. Those whom I choose to shut out of my life, will never find a door in.

Tag!

Found out that I've been tagged by Eugin . Hmm... this one is a bit lame but here it goes anyway :

5 THINGS FOUND IN YOUR BAG(school bag)
1)pencil box
2)books
3)CDs (games and movies)
4)headphones
5)calculatos

5 THINGS FOUND INSIDE UR PURSE/WALLET
1) MyKad
2) Money
3) Driving License
4) My Photo
5) Business Cards

5 FAVOURITE THINGS IN MY ROOM
1) bed
2) magazines
3) air-conditioner
4) books
5) pillows

5 THINGS UR CURRENTLY INTO
1) Theological Apologetics
2) Mandarin Language
3) Blogging
4) Electronic gadgets
5) Widening my social horizons

5 PEOPLE YOU WILL TAG
I hereby tag:

1) Keane (You wanted to read a happy post, so here’s it! :) )

2) Benjamin

3) Weijin (Something for you to blog about)

4) Erm…

5) No one else lor… Since you guys read only and never run your own blogs ;)

Detached

It is yet another day of misery in my world that is colored with a tint of anguish. Reluctantly, I stare in muted resignation as the world around me disintegrates and mutates into shimmering contortions. So things have finally come down to this...

Those dreams are starting to fade. The intricate details etched on its surface melts and merges into a blur. Its fabric of existence frays and vanishes into the river to time. Its vibrant colors darkens, and fade altogether into a uniform sea of blackness. And I shall dream no more...

I've had it with the sheer arrogance of some people. Some people do like to put on a cape of righteousness and crusade around accusing others of lacking morals such as compassion when their closets struggle to contain in the amassing skeletons. Some like to claim that they have the higher moral ground, but as far as I'm concerned, they are treading on clouds. I suspect some do it for either gratification of play-acting the good guy, or some other ulterior motive such as hoping for self-gain. It is a shame to go around proclaiming judgment when your own morality is in question. Hypocrite! In my opinion, it is far better to just shut up instead of saying that which exposes blatant hypocrisy.

When it's all been said and done

When it's all been said and done
All my treasures will mean nothing
Only what I have done
For love's rewards
Will stand the test of time
~Don Moen

Collision Course

It is one of those rare moments when my life is spinning out of control. In the past month or so, it feels that way as everything is falling apart. The world that I once knew has been shaken at its foundations. I feel like I'm in a vehicle hurtling at ever increasing speeds towards an unknown destination. And one can't help but get the feeling that he is on a deadly collision course if one were trapped in that vehicle called life. From my academics to social life, everything is in shambles, or on the way there at best. My mid-semester exams are coming up, and with my confidence having been depleted over recently bungled tests and quizzes, it does not augur well. The road ahead looks daunting, even impossible at times to traverse. Even some of the very few of whom I have counted as close friends until very recently have eventually proved otherwise. Perhaps it has been faulty judgment on my part, as some have taken it to be no more than friendships of convenience. Here today, gone tomorrow. It is just another drop in my ocean of darkness. Why must fate laugh so cynically?

I must apologize to my remaining friends who are forced to put up with my excessive(?) griping recently. I do not seek pity, it is only that pent up emotions need to be vented out occasionally, especially through this exceptionally rough patch of life. It is usually in vain, as most are unable to comprehend my issues. It is that I am just too different.